"Who wants to be a supervisor?"

Like with any other service industry worker, a Technical Support Representative is someone you want to handle with care. Much like a server who could spit in your food if you piss them off a Tech. Support Rep. could banish you to the endless maze of voice prompts with one slip of the tongue.

I’m still amazed there are people out in this world who still think the service industry is there for them to use as their personal toilet. They are clueless to the power dynamic they have walked into. The people you’re dumping on are the ones who handle your food, your drinks, repair your car, answer your endless STUPID questions or fix your technical problems. It’s sort like handing an arsonist an unlit match then calling him an asshole. How do you think that’s going to end?

During my unfortunate incarceration on the technical support line, it would be almost a daily occurrence that someone would want to speak with a supervisor. This could be for any number of reasons; they didn’t like the answer they were given, or they had to wait too long to get a “real person.” Little did they know by the third hour of being on the phones any shred of a “real person” no longer existed in any of the representatives. In one case a customer wanted to speak to a supervisor because we dared put an expiration date on a coupon that came with their printer.

Most of the time the disturbed caller would just want to hear another voice because they’re tired of hearing the one which is giving them the CORRECT answer. So, we would provide them with another voice, a “supervisor” of sorts. Most of the time our supervisor was not available (she was also well-known “office ghost.”) When she wasn’t around whomever had the “hot customer” (yes, people that’s how you’re referred to in our systems with scrolling red lettered banner as if to the next poor soul know they were entering a mine field) would stand on their chair and announce, “Who wants to be a supervisor!?” At that time whoever was free would take the call from the poor tech. rep. who had been enduring whatever annoying “mouth breather” was on the other end of the line. Once the call was transferred to the “supervisor” a possibly explosive scenario turned into a Jekyll and Hyde situation. When the “supervisor” reluctantly picks up the line and says, “How may I help you?” the customer’s tone changes so fast you’d think you were being pranked by your fellow reps. By that time the supposedly “irate” customer is so full of sugar and spice and everything nice it’s a small wonder the “supervisor” doesn’t come out of the call with a cavity. In the end all that matters is the customer is satisfied and we’re rid of them.

People who work in any service industry are for the most part overworked and underpaid. A very small percentage of them want to be there. Most of the time it’s a matter of survival and they need the money. I was asked in an interview once, “Why do you want to work in technical support?” I replied, “No one really WANTS to work in technical support. There is not a person out there dreaming of a career where you’re leashed to a phone 8 hours a day while a nearly endless parade of annoyed (and often ignorant) people call to dump on you or personally blame you for their problems. All while someone in management controls when you get to go to the bathroom.”

These are, as a friend’s mother described as “soul destroying” jobs. The only benefit we have in these service positions is that we hold all the cards. We control how and when you get your problem resolved. So, before you decide to call in then get on your tight-assed high horse and unload whatever shit you have bottled up onto us, THINK! Remember, we could not care less what your issue is and by the time you get to us you’re just one of thousands of irritating voices we’ve heard that day! And know that after we’ve solved your insignificant problem you’ve become the butt of SO many jokes at one of our many WELL-EARNED happy hours. All we’ll remember of you is how you treated us and whether or not we had to gleefully banish you to phone prompt HELL! Which will buy us an hour of much needed peace. At which time we’re either downing a large amount of ibuprofen or updating our resumes. Either of which will dull the pain until the next call rolls in and we say those immortal words, “How may I help you?”

A.I. Boss

There’s a big hullaballoo going around now about artificial intelligence and how it impacts many corners of our culture. A.I. (as it’s commonly called) has the ability to create art, write college essays and in some cases give “emotional” responses to questions. This concerns some because it removes the human aspect from things like painting a picture or writing a poem. In some cases, it is difficult to determine whether whatever piece art or writing we are looking at was created man or machine. This is how I feel when I interact with my boss.

To be fair he has not been in the position of my boss for that long but so far, the interactions I’ve had with him have me questioning his reality. So far, any face-to-face meetings or even just audio have been few or far between. Most of the time whatever meeting we have set up gets rescheduled or cancelled altogether. When we do have meetings either as a team or 1-on-1 he doesn’t have an agenda or barely talks at all. There are a lot of canned phrases tossed around like, “What’s on your minds?” or “I should look into that.” This makes me wonder if there is an actual human on the other side. Video meetings aren’t much better. Usually when you get the whole team on a video call you see people fidgeting or paying attention to something else on their screen while still listening. But when my boss is on screen there’s not a lot of motion at all except with the occasional eye blink or if he moves to changes the background on his display. The times he does speaking he’s almost always looking down so we can’t see his mouth move while he gives us the same canned responses, we’ve all heard a million times before. I imagine their programming must be breaking down because just recently he’s gotten into the habit of scheduling a meeting and then not showing up. A few minutes after the meeting has started, we’ll get a message like, “I’m running late. Please start the meeting without me.” Which seems like the A.I. equivalent of a “404-Page Not Found” error.

There have been a couple of occasions when I have seen and met my boss in person. But I’m not buying it. I feel like I’m interacting with a Disney animatronic creation programmed to give canned responses and move “realistically” but has all the human warmth of a cinderblock. I guess it could be worse. I could have ended up with a boss who was actually interested (before issues, if any, pop-up) in my work or who was curious about what I was doing. Then I’d never get anything done.

Boo! "Casper" the Office Ghost.

We all have one in our office. That person who is never in their cube, doesn’t respond to IM’s or takes a week to ten days to reply to emails. You usually catch sight of them out of the corner of your eye as they rush down the hall laptop in hand heading toward an “urgent meeting.” Or you lock eyes with them through closing elevators doors. If you do FINALLY get a face to face with them, they don’t have time to talk because they need to “put out a fire” somewhere. As they dash away from you clutching their trusty laptop piled on top of some suspicious looking folders, they ask you to send them an email, IM or text to discuss the issue. This my friends are what’s known as the “office ghost.”

When I was working technical support for a well-known camera company (which shall remain nameless) we had two variations of the “office ghost.” In most cases we had your standard apparition but then we had one which I would classify as an “office poltergeist.” This was an “office ghost’ whom we rarely saw but when they did make their presence known by creating as much havoc (and more work for us) as possible before disappearing again.

On the technical line we were often called to work a B-shift from 11am to 7pm to cover the west coast. Usually, it would be two or three of us there to cover the phones and it was pretty manageable most of the time. But one evening the flood gates opened and it seemed as if everyone west of the Mississippi was calling with some issue or another. This particular shift the “office poltergeist” was working with us. They apparently were there to catch on some paperwork and to lend a hand if we absolutely needed them. Well, WE DID! So, we reluctantly asked them to please hop on and take some calls to help reduce the forty-five people waiting in the queue. Of course, they were happy to assist (they always are) as soon as they were done with some paperwork. We swear their “paperwork” was basically the sound of them shuffling paper on their desk while surfing the web. Eventually they got on the phones and their idea of “helping out” was to tell the client we were very busy and asking them to call back later. In some cases, this is after the person had been on hold for more than twenty minutes. Needless to say, we asked them to log off the phones. Soon after logging off their line the “office poltergeist” vanished.

Regardless what variety “office ghost” you have roaming your halls they all have something in common. The only people who seem to see them with any consistency is management. They seem to appear at every meeting, employee event, team builder what have you and always within a couple of feet of whatever manager needs to see them. As always, they make the presences known management by dropping some sort of gagging bit of manure on why they LOVE working there or they’ll toss out a “Go team!” then scarf down whatever free food is provided and PUFF they’re gone. The management never asks where they’ve gone. They just assume they’ve gone off to attend to some “emergency” which they themselves don’t want to deal with. But those of us who deal with specter on a daily basis no better.

The only way to truly exercise the “office ghost” is to hope they move to a different department or better yet they go haunt another company. Until that time comes, we learn to coexist with them wishing that one day when they disappear in a puff of annoying smoke when ask to do some work, they stay gone.

Stop asking me that!

Interviewing in a pandemic was interesting to say the least. Interesting in the way you see the more things change, the more they stay the same. So, I plead with hiring managers, HR people or whomever was roped into doing the phone interview…STOP ASKING THOSE STUPID SCRIPTED QUESTIONS! Throw away whatever 1950’s “Dick and Jane Conduct an Interview” handbook you’re getting them from!

Over my twenty plus years working in IT and the digital arena I have had more than my share of interviews as the interviewer and interviewee. More times than I can count as an interviewee I have been asked questions such as, “What’s your greatest strength and weakness?”, “How would you handle a difficult situation in the workplace?” or my personal favorite “Where do you see yourself in five years?” Inherently whoever is asking those questions is pretty much going to get the same answer from almost EVERY candidate. Answers ranging from, “I’m a strong communicator and my weakness is I may work too hard.” to “I hope to continue to work for this great company and support my team.” Canned answers for even older canned questions. After a while asking those questions and receiving those answers, I don’t see how potential employees don’t seem like cardboard cutouts eventually.

During the pandemic I had a few interviews, and they all asked those same questions. This befuddled my brain because in the time during the pandemic EVERYONE’S “plans for the future” got flushed down the toilet so how could they even ask that?! When they asked me that old stale question, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” my answer was not what they had come to expect.

I told them, “I can’t tell you where I see myself in five years because a year ago, I didn’t expect to see myself here. I think everyone’s expectations have changed. I can tell you where I would I like to be in five years around the “wishful thinking” type expectation. But as far as any set plans in the next five years I can’t predict that. I have sharpened my skills in adapting to any situation though.”

Another question thrown at me during the pandemic was, “Do you prefer to work fully remote or more of a hybrid model?” B.C. (before Covid), I would have said I preferred the hybrid model. I didn’t mind going into the office and socializing with my coworkers (whom I liked).  But let’s be honest, between meetings, soul sucking fluorescent lights and suicide inducing drab interior there’s only so much work you can get done there. Now I prefer fully remote where I can listen to podcasts or music, not shower, take a break to daydream and pet my cat while he tries to type on my keyboard. It’s much more productive and relaxing environment than the cubicle prison we’ve all been working in.

When I conducted interviews, I would usually skip over the candidates work experience and technical skills on their resume. All those things can be taught and after that information all looks the same. I usually zeroed in on any sort of personal information they had on their resume like interests, hobbies, volunteerism. After they were done giving me an overview of their experience, I would try to find a personal connection. I learned more about the potential employee asking these questions then regurgitating those scripted and outdated interview questions. I would get to know the person I may be working with. Whether they’re someone I can count on to do the job. If they display humility. Those are people I’d want on my team. So, throw away your Flintstone interview script and simply talk to the candidate.  You’re looking for the best PERSON for the job, not the best robot.